For the swipe-right virgins, it works like this: Potential BFFs appear with one photo in view, a first name, age, job if they’ve opted to include one and location. You’re allowed to scroll down to the other photos they’ve included (usually about three to five), and at the end, you can read their bio. If you think you’d like to know more about them, you swipe right. If not, you swipe left. If they also swipe right on your profile, Bumble lets you know you have a connection. Then, you have 24 hours to initiate contact before the connection disappears. I say “you have…to initiate” not because that’s the way it works (either one of you can send the first message), but because, of the approximately eight connections I made during my first week on Bumble BFF, I’ve had to start almost every conversation.
I mean this platonically, as it relates to Bumble BFF. Almost every girl’s bio expresses the same need for that person, believe it or not, to go to yoga class with or drink wine with or go shopping with. Almost every girl reiterates how down-to-earth she women from the Achinsk in Russia is, how ready and willing she is to seek out new friendships. So, why are so many of us afraid to send the first message? My guess – it’s that pesky social shame again. I know because, had I not been so genuinely interested in assessing the value of this app, I too would have been too shy to send a friendly and simple “Hi! How are you?” Even more curious is the fact that we both (the connection and I) know that we “liked” each other’s profile… shouldn’t saying hi be easier in that case?
Observation #2: Self-awareness is a major key (*DJ Khaled voice*)
If the reason we’re afraid or reluctant to reach out first is because we don’t think it’s a good match (and not social shame), then it’s time to reassess either our bio or our swiping habits. Being as invested as I was in this project, I was pretty honest in my bio so I knew I had to be equally as honest in my swiping. I wasn’t looking for someone to hit the clubs with – swipe left. I wasn’t looking for someone to do CrossFit with – swipe left. I wasn’t looking for someone who lived 45 minutes away – swipe left. I included my Instagram profile name in my bio, and so did a lot of other girls. An avid Instagram user, I found this really helpful in determining if the other person’s lifestyle and hobbies seemed appealing to me and/or if they were similar to mine.
Observation #3: Those really nice girls you meet in the bathroom at the nightclub and never see again – they’re on Bumble BFF
Although I’ve made a few connections on Bumble BFF and have maintained weeklong conversations with at least one or two of them, the interactions are surface-level at best. Sure, we enjoy talking to each other: “Hi, how was your day? – “Great. How about you?” We talk about our dogs, our favorite foods and sometimes make vague plans to meet up but never really do. The conversations don’t flow naturally, and the whole thing seems forced and shallow. Sadly, not at all what I was looking for but there’s hope yet?
Observation #4: Plenty of fish in the sea – not true
There comes a sad and unfortunate time when Bumble BFF has shown you all of the potential matches that meet both your location and age preferences. “Looks like you’re out of people,” the pop-up window reads, almost mockingly. Alas, it’s not permanent. You can check back after a few hours or simply expand your search preferences – still, it’s somewhat disappointing, if not also telling of a deeper problem.
